God is in this, even if we don't know how yet

This post is way overdue, but I just haven't been ready to write it.  And although I am still not really ready, I am able to do it.  We took our trip to China and it did NOT go as planned.  We have prayed and lots of others have prayed, and so I know this was all part of God's plan, but the events that happened in China were something we NEVER envisioned and never even imagined would happen.  In fact it never even entered my mind that it could be a possibility.  We went to get a baby, and found out that a lot of what we were told was lies, and things were not at all what they seemed.  We felt God telling us that this was very wrong and that we had been led down a path that we were not prepared to go down, under such false direction.  We spent some SERIOUS time in prayer, and God gave us obvious signs leading us in the direction we had to go in.  Nothing about it was easy, and even though time is helping, coming home without the baby we had been praying for and about was devastating.  I feel like I have lost a child on many levels, and mourn that loss very seriously.  But I HAVE to remain confident that this was somehow part of God's plan for our family.  We can't possibly understand why things happen on this earth, but we have to trust that God knows what is best and we don't.  I never once felt He wasn't leading us and wasn't with us, and His peace that passes understanding was and is with us through this.  Matthew and I are thankful that we have each other to be with through this time, and know that together with God, we will be able get through it and He will be there on the other side.  I am thankful for good family and good friends that have been helpful, prayerful, supportive, and understanding.  Some days are harder than others, and today is one of those days that I question everything.  So please continue to be praying for us.  We may seem fine, and in many ways we are, and will be, but such a painful experience doesn't go away over night.  We are blessed!  God is in this, and His will be done!
Charity

Almost there....

Well, we leave for China Wednesday morning bright and early and arrive on Thursday afternoon!!!  We have two days in Beijing and then we get our precious little man!!!  I have many emotions right now!!!!  I am thrilled, scared, nervous, tired, excited, worried, and on and on and on!!!!  I am trying to get packed so that the couple of days before we leave can be focused on Gabrielle and Noah!!  I know that it is God's will for our family to get Asher, and that he was meant to be in our family!!  Knowing that God put our family together before we even knew each other is an awesome feeling!!  I pray that I will still be focused on this during the hard adjustment that is coming our way!!!!!  Please pray that all goes well in China and that his bonding and ours happens sooner than later!!  Also please pray that we sleep and stay healthy!  I plan to write and post pictures while we are there, but there has been some talk that China has shut down fb and blogspot.  Soooo, we will see!!!  Maybe the next time I write, I will be holding my little Asher!!!
Charity 

Petty stuff...

I am a terrible writer.  I always have been.  But I hope that doesn't keep people from seeing my heart through this blog.  I write this because I have become completely convinced that God LOVES adoption!!  He has been in this process every step of the way, and has provided us with EVERYTHING we need to bring our baby home.  Love, support, information, finances, faith, courage...you name it, He has graciously provided it for us!!!  I have to admit that I sometimes feel my faith wavering, but that is just when He provides exactly what I need to bring me back to my senses and trust Him!!!  I have been hesitant in the past to promote adoption on this blog mainly because I don't want people to feel that I am preaching at them.  I'm not!!  But I DO want to be a voice for those children in this world that don't have one!!!  Right now there are roughly 147 MILLION orphans worldwide, and they have no one to call momma or daddy, no one to tuck them in at night, read them stories, play hide and seek, make s'mores, take them to the pool, take them to the park, brush their hair and teeth, bathe them, feed them, hug them, tell them they are loved and tell them about the love of Jesus Christ and what He has done for them and the plan HE has for their lives...I think you get the point.  Yes there will be struggles that comes with adopting, but I pray that EVERYONE will consider the JOY that could come to your family because of it too!! :)  I can't go on in my life without advocating for these precious SOULS that God has placed on this earth who need us.   I'm not trying to make people feel bad for not adopting.  It's definitely NOT for everyone.  But I'm sure there are people who have it on their hearts right now and are ignoring it...because that's what I did for a while!  If you have ever thought about adopting and are one of those people who think a lot about orphan children in the world, I'm just asking you to pray about it and ask God why he has placed that on your heart.  It may be that He is could use you to financially sponsor children, or become a foster parent or who knows what.  Maybe He just wants you to pray for people like me who need all the prayers I can get!! :)  Anyway....

So instead of my focus being on advocating for orphans, it has been on petty stuff like who doesn't like me, what I "have" to do at church, complaining about all the little issues going on in my life, the cold weather, etc, etc, and blah blah blah......so really, I'm sorry if you feel I am preaching at you.  I'm not.  I'm just asking you to pray about if it "could" be something your family might be open to doing.  And please, please, please check out this blog of a woman I admire greatly who has giving me the courage to trust in God through this process www.k6comehome.blogspot.com.  She and her family are amazing and I am so glad there are 7 less orphans in the world because of them!!! 
"He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will"  Ephesians 1:5.....SOOOOO thankful God adopted me and I am now HIS own child!!!!  :)   I can't imagine God smiling more than if all his children had a loving family!!

My Aching Heart

I am starting to become impatient.  For someone as impatient as I am, I think through this process I have been surprisingly patient!  But that is quickly coming to an end!!  I am getting really apprehensive about everything.  Will he bond?  Will I bond?  Will Matthew bond?  Will he cry for days on end or will he shut down and be emotionless?  What will his grieving process look like?  Will he be healthy and happy?  I want to get to him so I can stop thinking about all these things.  But in the midst of it all, I am reminded by God that HE will take care of it all!!  I know this because even with all my fears and insecurities, I already want to do this again!!  When I look on our adoption agency website and I see all those little boys waiting for a family, my heart aches.  I want them.  I want them to have a family and know the love Jesus has brought to my life!  Oh travel approval, come quickly!!!

Some much needed bonding....

                                          Noah telling a story and really having fun with it!

                                          Gabrielle eating her smore with Daddy!

                              Noah being proud of himself for his scary story telling abilities!

                                                      Daddy getting into his story!

                                               Serious story listener!

                                             Serious story listener #2!

                                                 Gabrielle being silly with mommy!!

This evening was awesome!!!  Although Noah had to leave church this afternoon after throwing up, he slept for a looooong time and woke up feeling great!  We grilled out, watched a pretty lame movie, but then we made a fire in the fire pit and had smores and told stories!!  This is one of my favorite things to do with my family!!  Noah LOVES telling stories, and Gabrielle's pure joy of listening to his stories never grows old!!  I pray that when Asher gets here he will like love these times as much as we do!!  Noah called him his "little cutie pie" tonight!!  They are finally starting to get excited and understand that he is coming!!  Can't wait!!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!

This bad week turned out to be the BEST week ever because today we got an update on Asher!  The last pictures and information we had on him was when he was 13 months old.  He is now 20 months old and they finally gave us some new information!!  He has been in foster care for 9 months, which is totally shocking to me!!  We had NO idea!!  And they already did the surgery on his palate that we were expecting to do when he got home!!  We are thrilled that now we know he was with a family during that time, and that he is with a family now who we pray is giving him love and attention!!!  That could make a world of difference for him once he comes home!!  And the best part...the pictures!!  I have stared at them aaaaaalllll afternoon!!  He has grown soooo much and while I'm sad that I am missing it, I AM glad that he is growing and looks well cared for!!!  Boy God is sooooo good!  He is ALL OVER THIS!!!  Thank you God!!!!  Continue your prayers for travel SOON!!!

Waiting for some news!!!

If adoption doesn't teach you some patience I am completely convinced that NOTHING can do it!!!!  Waiting for this document and that document and this approval and that approval!!!  It's insane!  Right now we are waiting to hear when we can travel, exactly, and we are waiting for an update on Asher and to hopefully learn whether he got our package or not.  Please pray for those things!!  But most importantly please continue to pray that he will bond with us quickly and that he will KNOW we are his parents and feel loved!!!  That is want I yearn for the most!!!  My heart is partially in China and that is NOT a good feeling!!!  :)  Thank you all for the prayers!!